What is a rant? A rant is when something gets on your nerves and you just go on and on about it as if someone else really cares.
I rant alot. I rant at home, at work, at school, at the movies, in my sleep. I rant pretty much all day long.
So I guess I will just start ranting...the newest rants are at the top.
What kind of pathetic recording artist are you that you have to RE-make an old song that was done in the 70's-80's? Please. Here's a prime example "Annie" by Michael Jackson, a dumpy song anyways (ah shaddap), was redone by Alien Ant Farm in exactly the same way as the original song (with a little extra guitar). I'm sure they're making zillions off of the song, but you know what, it's already been done??? I don't get it. What made you think.. "Hey, guys, you remember that lame song 'Annie' by Michael Jackson?? Ya'll wanna do a remake of that song? We can even put a monkey in the video" A monkey? Great I'm in.. If I wanted to hear "Annie" I would go break out my Michael Jackson record and spin it brother. Honestly, come up with some stuff on your own, I'll be a lot prouder of you, even if you do look like a damn idiot with your head skinned down the middle (you have to see the video to understand what I'm talking about). Damn, I sound bitter. Maybe I'll go do a remake of "These Boots Are Made For Walking" and ca$h in.
OK, this one is going to be kind of a reverse rant. Reason being, it is something that I do that I think is kind of funny, however, it's rather mean and people probably rant about it. This time, children, I am talking about taking a poo in public bathrooms. Not me, of course, I am talking about when other people poo in public bathrooms. Here's a scenario: You walk into the bathroom at work, you look under a stall and you see feet. Not hovering, firmly planted feet, but feet that are HANGING because the person has been sitting there trying to get their dump out for like 15 minutes. Plus, they are all quiet, because they are trying to throw you off. Do they really believe that if they are super quiet you'll think something like "I bet that person is just meditating or resting a little while". I think it is funny to take as much time as you possibly can while in the bathroom with one of these "silent poopers". Wash your hands a few times, and then blow your nose. Pretend to leave and then come right back in there like you forgot something. That makes them panic, because they thought you were leaving so they were trying to unload again. *sigh* It's the little things in life that I enjoy... I'm sure people rant about that.
People are getting ruder and ruder and this is intruding on my territory. I am so tired of having to compete with another rudester. Until a few months ago, I was the rudest person I knew. Lately, it seems that I have met my match with some of the various people I meet on the street or talk to on the phone. I had a guy call me at work, saying that his internet was not working. I told him that he was going to have to reposition the part in his computer that was faulty. He then said.... "Do you know how much trouble that is?". I thought, are you a freaking idiot? Do you want internet or not? You will do like I tell you if you want internet and don't complain.. What an idiot..and you know who you are.. because you were very rude to me on the phone for the rest of the time. If you are the computer expert, then fix it yourself, you should be nice to someone that tries to help you on the phone.
Telemarketers must die! That must be the most self-esteem lowering job out there. Please do not call my house, for I hate you. You know it's a telemarketer when you pick up and they don't know who you are, they don't say hey, or just call you by your first name. They say "could I speak with (Insert your full name or a variation of it here). I have had a few tricky ones call me by my first name, which lead me to say "this is me". Very tricky. Normally, I stop the caller mid schpeel, and say "not interested", to which they are to reply "thank you for your time". I have had them call and just talk talk talk...and I just let them go on and on... and then finally I say "no thanks" and then they just HANG UP. If I ever find the telemarketer that just hung up on me without thanking me for my time I will beat them down! You MUST thank me for my time on the phone, it is imperative! But back to my original statement about the self esteem lowering thing, I mean, how many magazines to you really sell all day? Well, you certainly don't sell them to me or anybody else I know. And then you get hung up on, or smarted off to, or told to not call back, or something else equally crappy. How does that make you feel? Are you bitter at the world? Are you the psychopath that ate the 4 old ladies in cleveland that I saw on the news? Are you the unibomber? You know it's people like you that really mess up the world, and you make me mad every time you call. You would think you would have gotten the hint with everybody hanging up on you and stuff. Do yourself a favor, look for a new line of work, something less pathetic, work at a fast food joint, at least you could steal food and stuff. There are no perks to your job, sure you can make all the phone calls you want, but you probably are being recorded so that bites too. Look, come find me, I'll give you a better job.. you can mow my yard and I'll put you down and cuss you out just like you like it AND you'll be getting your excercise. What do you say?
People, don't send me forwards. I'm talking about email forwards for the electronically challenged. I think I have seen the same forward about how Bill Gates is testing out a new email tracking feature (and will give everyone $500 bucks to send it to someone else) at least 8 million times. Are you people really that stupid? Do you REALLY believe that Bill Gates would part with his money like that, just for you? That's like me saying, "Hey, I'll give everyone a penny for taking a dump!" It's just not reasonable... is something wrong with your mind, you seem intelligent enough...does that part of your brain just shut down when you see the word forward. Do you think to yourself "Hey, I bet NOBODY has seen this forward before". And Kudos for the extra added bonus of 30 thousand other people's email addresses before the 3 sentence forward. Most of your time is spent scrolling through the addresses..to finally see some ASCII graphic tigger and a one liner like "Have a hippity hoppity holiday!!"...
If you are between the ages of 15-19 you are NOT cool if you follow someone's car. Some kids followed me and I tried to lose them, I had no idea who they were, but I bet they were surprised to find out that I had been on the cell phone with the cops, who pulled them over (wink). Sorry small children, but I have no tolerance for your CRAP, because I used to be you!
Another hospital rant. Please, Please, I beg of you. Don't bring your child in to the ER if they sneeze, cough...etc.. there is absolutely nothing that we can do that your regular doctor can't do tomorrow morning! Also, if you have an ingrown toenail, IT CAN WAIT! Lady, I don't ever want to see you in the ER again!
I had to go go court once because I got a speeding ticket (yeah! once! thats all...that i am going to tell about). I dressed nicely because I didnt want the judge to think I was trash. When I got there, there was so much trash there, I couldnt believe it. They all had on like house shoes and t-shirts and heck, practically pajamas. Are these people insane? Do they not understand that you are supposed to look halfway decent in court? I guess not. And what's more, the judge gave them breaks just like the one's of us who were dressed nicely. If i were ever a judge, that would be the first thing I would look at, did they make an attempt to look nice? Even if it is a pair of wingtips, white socks, black polyester pants and a tucked in checkered shirt...thats better than the "You can't touch this" shirt with the pink jogging pants and the jellies with blue socks and matted hair. TRASH!!!! I wish the judge would have let me know ahead of time that all i had to do was to roll out of bed and come to court, and it wouldnt affect my judgement.
I work at the local hospital's emergency room and we get a lot of nuts there. One day last week, a man and his wife came in and the man had been bitten by a dog. He was fine, I dont even think it was bleeding. So, they had been sitting there for about 3-4 hours, because we were swamped, they decided to come on like a saturday night on a holiday weekend. We had just had 3 ambulances pull up at the same time and we were getting more and more because of a wreck. The man's wife comes up to the window and says "How much longer are we gonna have to wait to be seen?" and I said "Well, we just had 3 ambulances pull up at the same time and there is head trauma" Just guess what she said to that...really, take your wildest shot...SHE SAID and I quote... "You mean, they are going to be seen before we are?". I thought to myself, Is she really that dumb to think that we would check on her husband's dumb old dog bite before someone with head injuries? WHAT A MORON!!!!!!!
I wanted to know what was on TV today, but since we dont have like a preview channel or the TV guide I decided to look online. Why does TV guide have an online site? I swear, they charge you like 2 bucks for the little magazine but they let you look at it for free online. Needless to say, I am never purchasing another copy of TV guide, all I have to do is look it up online... for free.
Oh my God, who let old people past the age of 60 have a driver's license? That was wrong, wrong, wrong! Ok well maybe a few of them can drive but a majority of them CAN'T drive a golf ball! And why do they always pull out infront of you when you are going like 85 in a 30? They pull out and go like 12mph and never EVER look in their rear view. Now, I was informed by my mother that it was not very nice to blow the horn at old people because they might get scared and swerve. I doubt it, what is a horn gonna do that my 85 mph car in their rear view mirror isn't? THEY CANT SEE THEY CANT HEAR THEY CANT DRIVE!!!! And God forbid you flip them off, because it only makes you more angry when you pass them, flip them off, and they NEVER turn and look at you, so your flipping off was just a waste of a good signal.
Another thing about old people, they will stand and hold up a check out line for 20 minutes while they pay with exact change and "just to get rid of the pennies" as my grandma says, they will count out like 74 cents worth of change in pennies. And they will not leave the line until all their money is in its proper place and order. If they get back $1.34, first the dollar must be straightened out and carefully wedged between the stack of 45 one dollar bills and the stack of 76 five dollar bills (old people are loaded). Next, the quarter goes into the "emergency phone call" pouch (they still think the pay phone is $.25 because they never have to use it), the nickel goes into the "grandchild allowance" pouch and the pennies go into the "i hope i have enough pennies to make my purse heavy enough to defend myself incase of an attack" pouch between the kleenex and the peppermints.
Speaking of check out lines, I hate it when people don't have their checks filled out! FILL IT OUT PEOPLE before you go into the store, or while you are behind someone else in line. And PLEASE, dont choose this time to balance your checkbook. Take the receipt home with you...and if you cant make it that far... just step away from the cashier when you are done and balance it. 58% of your check out time is spent waiting for the lady in front of you to move so you can get to that little velveeta cheese block sized writing area to use the pen on a rope to sign your Debit card receipt and move on with your life.
Someone must have lied to the old men who comb their hair in "comb overs" or as I so lovingly refer to them "swoop hairdo's". Someone must have told them that it looks natural and realistic. There is nothing funnier than seeing a swoop flapping in the breeze on a windy summer day. How do they explain that one? Flip top hair? "Yeah it makes it easier to clean my scalp, just flip, clean and flip again". I dont think so guys. And when did you first start doing this. Is it gradual? Do you start with one hair...or two.. and move up to the entire mass of hair that makes up the back of your head? You are bald on top, I'm sorry, get over it and don't swoop. Crap, get a toupee, that would look better than the hairball sitting on your head now!
Talking during the movies should be outlawed. It should be like school, if you wanna talk, raise your hand, and since it is dark no one will ever see you and you will stay silent for the entire movie! I was at the movies not too long ago, and I swear, if it wasn't a beeper or a cell phone, it was a baby crying, or someone gossiping about Chaka and her 18 children and how Jermaine left her at the altar. Stop talking in the movies! People, you act like you are in your living room or something. No, you act like you are in the game room of a mental hospital watching tv on the television set that is nailed down to the table so Sparky doesn't push it off on the floor like he did last time. Dont bring your cell phone/beeper or small child. Better yet, dont bring anything smaller than a large TV. And if you are smaller than a large TV.. DONT bring yourself either!
I could kill people who come into the movie theater, and SIT right in front of you. Apparently, they dont understand that you dont want to see the back of their head throughout the movie. I guess nobody ever showed them how to arrange them selves on the diagonal like the rest of us. It never fails, as soon as the movie starts someone comes in... sits directly in front of you and scoots up so that their back is nice and straight in the chair. SLUMP! that's probably the number 2 rule of movies, SLUMP! Nobody can see over you! YOU MORON